


Holiday Theft Is Frowned Upon

by tamnation



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Nightmare Before Christmas Fusion, Christmas Presents, Demon!Clint, M/M, Vampire!Phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-11 16:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8998279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamnation/pseuds/tamnation
Summary: Tony decides to try and steal Christmas. Almost everyone can see that it’s a terrible idea.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Feelstide prompt 25: Nightmare before Christmas meets MCU. Because if anyone is going to steal Christmas, it's Tony and all Phil and Clint can do is go with the flow and hope this doesn't blow up in everyone's faces. 
> 
> Big thanks to the Feelstide mods for running this community again this year. Sorry this one is a bit late, life got away from me.

The moon was setting on another successful Halloween. Phil slipped into the town courtyard so that he could catch the end of the parade. His lips were curled around his fangs in a satisfied half smile and underneath his suit his stomach felt almost bloated. This year he’d definitely take the title of ‘Most Blood Drained’ in a single evening and he was going to savour the look of horror on Dracula’s face when he realised that he’d lost.

 

A small popping noise sounded next to him and the air was filled with the scent of sulphur. Clint leaned casually against the closest wall, but Phil could tell the demon was exhausted from the way his tail hung limply at his side and the horns on his head seemed to droop. Clint had a habit of getting a little too enthusiastic about Halloween, constantly striving to out do the other demons.

“Busy night?” Phil asked by way of greeting, even though he knew the answer. Clint nodded with a satisfied smirk.

 

“You should have heard the screams, Phil. Nat and I are pretty terrifying by ourselves, but as a team we are unstoppable. Half of Iowa’s going to be having nightmares for months.” Clint yawned, before slowly dragging his eyes over Phil’s thin frame and giving Phil an approving nod. “Are you going to win this year?”

 

“We will see,” Phil said pleasantly. In the distance, there were the deep thudding footsteps of the ogre horde approaching and within moments, Phil could hear voices straining to hold the tune of the town anthem.

 

_‘This is Halloween. This is Halloween. Halloween, Halloween.”_

Phil moved to stand next to Clint, not wanting to get caught up in the crush of the crowd as it swept into the courtyard. The demon’s tail hooked around Phil’s leg as Tony Stark’s mechanical horse came into view. Mounted on the horse in a terrifying combination of metal and flesh was the king of Halloween town, lit only by the eerie blue glow of his icy heart.

 

The parade was as euphoric as it was every year, the crowd dancing and cheering as they rode on a high from the terror they’d inflicted. The only one who didn’t seem to be enjoying the festivities was Tony himself. Sure, he went through the motions, but the performance lacked the enthusiasm that normally shone through when Tony was the centre of attention.

 

“Something’s up with Stark,” Clint commented, moving closer to Phil to get a better view. Phil nodded in agreement, clapping politely as the song came to its dramatic conclusion. Fireworks exploded all around Stark, lighting the metal up in red and gold until it looked like their king was on fire. It really was quite impressive.

 

Once the song had finished, the crowd swarmed towards Tony. Usually, this was Tony’s favourite part and he’d lap up the attention with glee. Tonight, he seemed to withdraw, taking a few steps back until he’s up against the gates of the cemetery.

 

“Time for the awards,” Bruce, the elected town mayor, shouted above the crowd and drawing attention away from Tony’s odd behaviour. The ogre was a surprisingly patient and considerate creature when he wasn’t in the middle of a rampage. Even the most persistent ghouls left Tony alone, and the man slid sideways through a gate and disappeared from view.

 

Phil frowned and took a step forward, fully intending to go and check on the man. They weren’t friends exactly, but over the decades since Tony took over the town, they’d developed a mutual respect for each other. He stopped instantly when hot purple fingers curled around his wrist, a sharp contrast to the deathly chill that had been a constant companion since he’d turned. Phil allowed himself a moment to just enjoy the feeling before he turned to Clint and raised an eyebrow.

 

Wordlessly, Clint pointed out a figure moving quickly along the outskirts of the Town Square. It looked like Steve, a science experiment that had gone more right than even his creator had expected. The man was a mismatch of body parts, but underneath was a heart of gold. Phil relaxed as Steve disappeared after Tony; content in the knowledge that someone was looking after Stark.

 

“The award for spookiest apparition of the year goes to … Natasha,” Bruce announced. Clint raised his free hand to wolf-whistle his approval at the latest announcement and Phil smiled as he watched the deceptively sweet looking ghost of a ballet dancer make her way across the courtyard. She accepted the award demurely, giving Bruce a kiss on the cheek. When she turned to the crowd, her entire face distorted and grew until it was a terrifying giant grin that roared at the crowd. Peals of laughter rang out and even Phil chuckled.

 

“Blood-sucker awards should be up next,” Clint said, as Natasha moved away from the stage. “You ready?”

 

Phil looked across the courtyard to where Dracula was sitting smugly surrounded by his usual bunch of undead groupies. Phil grinned, his sharp fangs making him look distinctly predatory. “I’m ready.”

 

“The award for most blood drained in a single evening goes to…” Phil leaned forward, nerves holding his body tense in anticipation. Dracula was already getting to his feet, congratulating himself as he started to move towards the podium. Bruce seemed to be drawing the pause out, and when Phil’s eyes flicked back to the ogre, the man was smirking as he watched the ancient vampire. He waited until the vampire was halfway to the stage before he opened his mouth. “Phil Coulson.”

 

There was a moment of shocked silence as Dracula’s jaw literally dropped, before anger replaced any trace of his smug confidence. The rest of the crowd burst out into wild applause, and Clint gave him a small shove in the direction of the stage. Phil transformed himself into a bat, rising high above the crowd and diving back down towards the stage in a slow spiral. Just before he hit, the ground he turned back into a human and allowed himself a smug smile as he looked out across the crowd.

 

As he collected his award from Bruce, his eyes searched out the purple demon whooping and cheering wildly. There was lingering warmth around his wrist from where Clint’s fingers had been only moments before. Phil couldn’t remember any night more perfect.

 

He loved Halloween.

 

~~~

 

Phil woke to a knocking on the lid of his coffin. Every instinct he had told him that it was still daylight and only a couple of hours since he’d gone to bed. He was going to drain every drop of blood from the creature responsible unless they had a very good reason. Slowly, he pushed open the lid of his coffin and sat up, finding himself face to face with Clint. The demon smirked, looking Phil up and down. Phil was struck by the awkward need to flatten his hair and straighten his suit.

 

“You’re terrifying,” Clint assured him, although Phil could tell that wasn’t the word he actually wanted to use.

 

“What do you want, Clint?” Phil asked. It might have been vain, but he used his magic to appear standing next to his coffin rather than climbing out. Very few people had ever been in his lair, and the fact that Clint was here in his space was making him self-conscious.

 

“Tony’s missing,” Clint said, worry clouding his expression. Phil frowned, gesturing for Clint to fill him in as they walked.

 

“How do we know he’s not just out on one of his benders?” Phil asked, making sure he grabbed his umbrella. He’d prefer not to add dealing with third degree burns to what was already shaping up to be a hell of a day.

 

“Bruce hasn’t received any texts at all. No half drunk ravings or scientific technobabble,” Clint explained. That was definitely unlike Tony. The position of mayor came with the unenviable task of Tony wrangling. Pepper, the last mayor, had been a force to be reckoned with but even she’d needed a year off after quitting, just to get over the stress. Bruce had a remarkable ability to stay calm even in the face of Tony’s rather manic moods and whimsical demands. The man was a creative genius, making each Halloween more terrifying than the next, but like all other mad scientists, he didn’t always see the line between ingenuity and insanity.

 

They reached the foyer and Phil went to open the door. Clint grabbed hold of his hand instead. The warmth rushed through him and he allowed himself a small smile before he turned to face the demon with a raised eyebrow. Clint didn’t bother to explain, just distorted the air around them and slid them through the gap between realities.

 

With a pop, they appeared in a spacious corridor that Phil recognised as the antechamber to the town hall. His head spun at the sudden change and the nausea that accompanied Clint’s ‘Demon air’. Phil bared his fangs to show his displeasure, but Clint just shrugged unapologetically.

 

“My way was faster. It would have taken too long to walk from the hermitage you call a house,” Clint said with a smirk. Phil rolled his eyes but didn’t comment. They’d had the same discussion ever since the first time Phil invited Clint back to his house on the outskirts of town. He liked his privacy and had no urge to be in the centre of the action. Clint on the other hand shared an apartment with Natasha above the tavern and would use his powers to travel any distance further than the end of his street.

 

“Let’s just get this over with,” Phil insisted, moving towards the large ornate entry into the hall. He didn’t wait to see if Clint was following as he pushed the doors open, but the sound of the demons footsteps behind him was reassuring.

 

Bruce, Steve, and Pepper were crowded around a table and Phil thought he could see a map of Halloween town. Natasha was in a corner talking to Jarvis, the poltergeist that ran Stark’s household. They all looked up as Phil and Clint entered the room.

 

“What’s the situation?” Phil asked, striding across the room. The cloud of worry hanging in the air was so thick that Phil could almost taste it. He was expecting Bruce or Steve to fill him in, but it was Jarvis that spoke up.

 

“Sir did not come home after the festivities last night. Dum-E has also disappeared, and I have checked all of sir’s usual haunts,” the poltergeist explained.

 

“Where did he go after the parade?” Phil asked, directing the question at Steve.

 

“I lost him as he entered the woods. He wasn’t acting like himself and he was singing in the cemetery,” Steve said quietly, and Phil’s concern for Tony’s safety was growing. “I searched all night, but there wasn’t any sign of him. When I got back to raise the alarm, Jarvis was already searching for him.”

 

Phil moved to stand next to Steve, looking down at the map and Steve’s clear markers for Stark’s movements. It would have been difficult for Tony to make it back to town without running into Steve, but it was possible. They’d have to organise a search of the entire town, starting with the woods but spreading out from there.

 

“Did he have Dum-E with him?” Tony’s robotic dog had been the first working creation the man had invented, and his ever constant companion ever since. Steve nodded and Phil was slightly relieved. If Tony had done something stupid, Dum-E would have come looking for help.

 

“Organise search parties starting here, here, and here,” Phil stated, pointing at three different locations on the map that would allow for the best coverage of the town. “Groups should split into pairs and spread out to cover more ground.”

 

“You think we should tell the town? I don’t want to start a panic.” Bruce sounded hesitant, peering down at the map as if it would magically reveal Stark’s location.

 

“It’s better to find him quickly and involve more people than to find him too late,” Phil explained. His words were met with silence as the meaning sank in and horrified them all. The only sound was a small pop before the town bell started to ring. When Clint popped back into the room, Phil gave him a nod of approval.

 

Slowly, the town hall filled with Halloween’s odd assortment of residents, most still looking tired and hung over from the night before. Phil stood motionless on the side of the raised stage, trying to ignore the sound of Steve pacing a groove in the floor behind him. They were all worried and they all wanted to be out there as much as Steve, but rushing out without a plan wouldn’t help Tony.

 

Finally, Natasha closed the doors behind the last stragglers and Bruce took centre stage. “Tony is missing.”

 

The cries of dismay and worry erupted from the crowd, and Phil could spot genuine terror on several faces. Bruce raised his hands, gesturing for quiet, but the movement was ignored. Clint’s sharp whistle pierced the air, not stopping until even the most stubborn chattering ghouls fell silent. Bruce smiled, but it looked strained around the edges.

 

“I am sure all of you will help with the search party. We’re going to find Tony and bring him home again,” Bruce explained. “If you want to volunteer, talk to Phil and he will organise the different search groups.”

 

Phil nodded and stepped forward to address the crowd. “For safety, we will be searching in pairs. Make sure you are paired with someone you can work with. We don’t have time for pranks and homicide today.”

 

“Save it for date nights, folks.” Phil felt his lips twitch at Clint’s awful attempt at levity, but only a handful of people laughed. A line of pale worried faces quickly formed in front of Phil and he focussed on balancing abilities across the three groups as well as considering the terrain. It wouldn’t do to send the witches to dredge the lake or have the zombies attempt to scale the cliffs.

 

Finally, there are three distinct groups milling around the hall awaiting further direction. Phil sent Bruce and Steve with one group to search the woods. Natasha and Pepper would search the town and the cemetery in case Stark had managed to circle back.

 

“Guess that leaves you and me, Phil.” Clint appeared beside him, looking over the third and final group. They were in charge of searching the pumpkin farms, the vampire castles high on the cliffs and searching along the ravine that marked the edge of town. It was the largest area but the chances that Stark would be there were remote at best.

 

“We’d best get started,” Phil said, reaching for his umbrella. The purple demon nodded, before moving away to start directing pairs of creatures to the search area. It was a tense and morose procession out to the edge of town, without even a trace of merriment or jokes. Clint and Phil ended up alone searching a portion of the cliffs.

 

“Do you really think he’s out here?” Clint asked when they were alone.

 

“It’s unlikely. But it’s better if we can rule it out entirely,” Phil said. He looked up at the intimidating wall of dark and jagged rocks and sighed. Climbing them would take much too long and the danger of falling was far too high. The sun was warm and getting higher into the sky, but there weren’t many other options.

 

“Phil…” Clint said worriedly as Phil closed his umbrella and set it to one side. The direct sunlight stung, and Phil hissed in displeasure. If Tony didn’t have a good reason for his disappearance, Phil was going to make his life miserable until his sunburn faded.

 

“You search the caves and crevices down here. I’ll search the ledges higher up,” Phil explained before shifting into his bat form. The fur was a welcome barrier between his skin and the sun, but this form would drain his energy faster than his human shape.

 

“Sure thing,” Clint agreed, but his expression was stiff with concern as he looked at Phil. With a flap of his wings, Phil soared up into the air, trying to shake the feeling of Clint’s eyes on him. There were rocks that needed searching and he couldn’t let thoughts of his companion distract him from what was important.

 

Unlike a normal bat, Phil’s eyesight was enhanced in his secondary form. He swooped and dove as he searched in amongst the rocks but there was no sign of Tony or even his robot dog. Instead he saw bones, a couple of lizards and when he flew in to check a cave, he startled a family of actual bats. He’d been flying for maybe an hour and the sun was getting higher. The sun might not burn him as a bat, but he was still incredibly hot and he was struggling to push away his growing exhaustion. This was hardly the first time he’d stayed awake throughout the day and Tony needed to be found.

 

One deep dive to get a closer look at a large crack and Phil was hit by a dizzy spell and it took all his effort not to crash into the cliff face. Clint let out a shout from below as Phil struggled to get his wings back into the even rhythm of flight. Phil knew he should keep going, because there were still places he needed to search, but each beat of his wings was getting harder and he couldn’t focus properly.

 

Phil closed his eyes and listened for Clint’s voice.

 

“Phil! Fuck, Phil! Come down! . . . holy shit!” Clint swore as Phil closed his wings and dove, aiming straight for the sound of his voice. Phil trusted that Clint wouldn’t let him hit the ground. He was rewarded when Clint’s warm arms wrapped around him and pulled him close against his chest. Phil made a pleased little noise, latching his claws into the demon’s shirt as Clint began to run.

 

Phil’s small form bounced up and down rather unpleasantly. He opened his eyes, intending to glare at Clint and express his displeasure. The blinding sunlight that met his eyes hurt, but it quickly vanished and was replaced by a cool darkness. Clint slowed, and Phil realised that he’d brought them to a cave so that Phil could be out of the sunlight.

 

Phil hesitated to let go, enjoying the warmth of Clint’s body heat. But he was a grown vampire, had stalked his way through this world for almost a millennia. It should be easy to force himself to move, even if it wasn’t what he wanted. He nuzzled his cheek against the thin shirt one last time before he unhooked his claws.

 

With some effort, he flapped across the narrow cavern and forced himself to change back into his human form. It took the last of his energy, and he found himself sliding down to sit on a rock. Running one hand over his face, he was disturbed to see that it was paler than usual and shaking. He’d known he was pushing himself, but he hadn’t meant to exert himself this far.

 

“Are you okay?” Clint asked, his voice overflowing with concern. Phil blearily looked up at him and tried to force a wry smile.

 

“I might need a minute or two,” Phil said as he tried to lighten the mood. Clint didn’t laugh and his brow furrowed deeper with worry. Phil sighed. “I’m fine, Clint. Too long in the sun and not enough sleep.”

 

“Fuck, Phil,” Clint swore, but he sat down and stopped looking like he thought Phil was going to pass away in front of him. Phil let himself nudge his shoulder against Clint to try and reassure him, but Clint was entirely too serious when he twisted to face Phil. “Don’t ever do that again.”

 

“No promises. I’m not going to stay home when I’m needed just because I don’t like the sun,” Phil said with a shrug, trying to ignore the way that the heat radiating off Clint seemed to grow hotter and more intense.

 

“Stark wouldn’t want you dead because he’s passed out drunk in the woods somewhere,” Clint hissed. Behind him, his tail flicked through the air as a clear sign of Clint’s irritation. “You said it yourself, it’s unlikely that he even came this way. It wouldn’t have hurt us to take a break and keep your strength up.”

 

“I’ll try and keep that in mind,” Phil replied calmly. A pleasant feeling settled deep within him as it became clear just how much Clint cared, and Phil smiled. “Did you see anything down here?”

 

“No sign of Tony. But you know he’s more likely to be in the woods. That’s why you gave that area to Bruce and Steve,” Clint said, with a sigh. The whole morning had been troubling for both of them, and Phil felt a small pang of guilt for falling out of the sky and causing more stress for Clint.

 

“Maybe we should head back into town. Someone might have found him by now,” Phil offered. He tried to stand, but his legs felt like jelly and Clint caught his arm to stop Phil from falling on his ass. Slowly, he eased back down again. “Or maybe we should wait here a few more minutes.”

 

Clint snorted. “Maybe you should ask for what you need?”

 

The words caused Phil to pause. If he could just sit here for a while longer, or even nap a little, he would be fine. But that could take hours, time which Tony might not have. If they hadn’t found Stark before night fell, Phil didn’t think anyone would be able to stop panic spreading through the town. There was only one guaranteed way to get Phil back on his feet.

 

Thirst started to burn its way down his throat in anticipation. Clint’s heartbeat was a steady drumbeat beside him and his sense of smell heightened until he could smell the delicious metallic tang of the blood burning through Clint’s veins. Phil swallowed.

 

“You know I would never ask for that,” Phil said slowly, carefully enunciating each word to hide any trace of how badly he wanted it.

 

“What if I was offering?” Clint asked, leaning closer to Phil and making the vampire shudder.

 

“Don’t offer unless you’re sure.”

 

Clint’s wrist hovered in front of Phil’s face, only inches away from Phil’s quickly extending fangs. Involuntarily, Phil’s tongue flicked out and licked his lips, tasting the air. One last glance at Clint to check that he hadn’t changed his mind, and then Phil was leaning forward, his fangs clamping down onto the demon’s wrist.

 

The blood was hot, almost burning as it flowed from the wound. Phil had often thought about what Clint would taste like, but most of those fantasies were far more intimate than this brief feed driven by need rather than desire. Still, he savoured the rich metallic taste, drawing slightly more than necessary before he pulled back. He could feel his limbs regaining their strength and the dizziness faded away.

 

“Thank you,” Phil said quietly, getting to his feet and managing to remain upright this time. Clint looked up at him and smirked wickedly.

 

“Any time,” he said with a flirtatious wink, which threw Phil a little off balance. This was new territory for their conversations and if his heart actually worked, it probably would have skipped a beat. Then Clint’s tail flicked around him and wrapped around Phil’s wrist. The warmth burned through him and Phil scowled, trying to pull away as he spotted the mischievous look in Clint’s eyes.

 

It was too late, and Phil found himself pulled through the shadowy between places for the second time today. The pair of them popped back into their reality in the town square, and Phil had to catch Clint as he staggered slightly.

 

“Whoa. That was a bit more of a head-rush than normal,” Clint complained, leaning on Phil a little bit. Phil’s skin started to burn a little in the sunlight and he was pleasantly surprised when his umbrella appeared above him, blocking out the worst of the light. Clint’s tail was looped around the handle the same way it had been looped around Phil’s wrist a moment earlier. It was an entirely too flexible appendage, and Phil needed to stop that train of thought right now.

 

“Letting someone drink your blood can have that affect,” Phil said dryly, ignoring the small pang of guilt.

 

“You don’t need to drink my blood to have me weak at the knees, Phil.” Clint nudged against Phil’s shoulder and Phil mentally counted to ten to stop himself from saying something stupid. This wasn’t the time or the place to examine Clint’s new flirtations or the way that the demon’s words were a fan to the fire of Phil’s infatuation.

 

“We need to get in contact with the other groups,” Phil said eventually, and Clint sighed. He tilted his head, as if listening very carefully before nodding in satisfaction. Phil strained his own ears, but couldn’t hear anything.

 

“Something’s coming,” Clint stated and Phil rolled his eyes, but stayed silent. Whatever it was, it was coming from the woods, which hopefully meant that the group had found Tony. Then Phil could go back home and sleep, and maybe when he woke up today’s strangeness will have settled back into the town’s usual sleepy routine.

 

A strange rumbling noise caught Phil’s attention before anything came into sight. It wasn’t a familiar sound, although it sounded a little like the cars that he’d seen in the human world. There’d never been anything like that in Halloween town, and even Tony hadn’t seen the point of such things.

 

“Well that’s new,” Clint commented as the thing drove into view. The contraption was sliding across the ground on long strips of metal instead of wheels and pulling a second cart behind it, which was almost overflowing with strange items. The whole thing was painted in garishly bright colours of red and gold and green, in sharp contrast to the delightfully dark and muted colours of Halloween. Sitting behind the steering wheel of the device was Tony Stark, looking incredibly smug and Phil thought he could see an almost manic glint of excitement.

 

Phil hadn’t lived this long without developing a second sense for trouble, and every instinct he had was practically shouting that whatever was in that cart, probably wasn’t good news.

 

“Town meeting!!” Tony shouted cheerfully, and Phil couldn’t quite suppress a groan.

 

~~~

 

Phil sat in an uncomfortable chair towards the front of the room and watched Tony set up his strange assortment of objects that he’d brought back from wherever he’d been. Despite being the ones to find him, Bruce and Steve had been unable to shed any light on Tony’s bizarre behaviour, so all they could do was wait patiently for the meeting to begin and guess at the purpose of the unusual display on the small stage.

 

There was some sort of tree, with its thin needle-like leaves still intact and not even starting to turn brown like they should. Coloured boxes with bows were lined up around it and there was a wreath made out of green leaves and red berries. Everything was too bright and too colourful and it looked out of place against the wall of slime and surrounded by cobwebs.

 

“It’s very colourful,” Clint muttered as he slid back into the seat next to Phil, and Phil just nodded. The demon had disappeared shortly after they’d entered the hall, but Phil had known he’d come back when he was ready.

 

“What did Natasha say?” he asked.

 

Clint shrugged. “She doesn’t know any more than we do. A handful of unsubstantiated rumours from the human world about different holidays, but who knows where Stark managed to stumble on all of this.”

 

“At least, he’s looking more like himself,” Phil observed, carefully watching Stark moving around with a manic grin on his face and no trace of the melancholy expressions from the Halloween parade. The man settled a yellow star on top of the green tree before stepping back with an approving nod. Turning, he faced the crowd and felt Clint shift in his seat next to Phil, tense with excitement.

 

“Is everyone here? Bruce? Pepper? The goblin kids? If not, too bad. Phil! You can fill in anyone who’s not here now, you’re exceptional at the whole mission briefing thing.” Phil tried not to groan at being singled out, but Tony didn’t even stop to breathe.

“Let me tell you about Christmas Town!”


	2. Chapter 2

Clint stared down at a cherub looking doll with disgust. With blonde curls, blue eyes and a serene smile painted across its face, the thing was sickeningly sweet and not at all scary. He couldn’t work out why anyone would want such a thing. Tony had insisted that they were supposed to be making gifts to give children for ‘Christmas’.

Maybe it was like Natasha? When he’d first met his ghostly best friend, he’d been about to stop some bullies from picking on the petite apparition of a ballet dancer. Of course, before he could, her fingers had extended into claws and a thousand sharp teeth had spread in a predatory grin. She’d promptly scared the pants off her would-be attackers and Clint too.

 

Clint poked the doll warily and jumped when it made a sound. ‘ _Mama’_ the doll said in a high-pitched voice that hurt Clint’s ears. He’d have to fix that. But right now, he was going to tear the dolls face off. Sometimes this Christmas toy-making business could be incredibly satisfying.

 

It had been weeks since Tony announced that they would be taking over Christmas this year. Clint could understand the scientist’s excitement. Halloween was still his favourite holiday, but creating and improving toys was almost like preparing for his very first Halloween all over again. The change was invigorating and the whole town seemed to be alive with the Christmas spirit.

 

There were only two days left until Christmas eve, when according to Tony, Sandy Claws was due to take to the skies and deliver presents. The pile of presents in the town square was growing, the werewolves had managed to build a contraption that resembled the sleigh from Tony’s pictures and judging by the sounds that could be heard coming from Tony’s labs, Bruce and Tony were having some luck bioengineering reindeer.

 

Clint was just glad that he didn’t get stuck with Phil’s job. Apparently, in order to deliver the mountain of presents, there needed to be a list of all the ‘naughty and nice’ children in the mortal realm. Of course the list also needs a map, children’s ages, and an entrance strategy because whatever magic Sandy Claws had to fit down chimneys probably wouldn’t work for Tony. The whole thing was trying even for Phil’s organisational skills.

 

“That looks… artistic.” Apparently thinking about the vampire had some sort of summoning powers. Clint would have to try that later under more romantic circumstances. Phil was immaculately dressed in one of his black suits, umbrella in hand to keep out the sun. He was looking down at the rather gruesome zombie face that Clint was creating to go underneath the dolls actual face. Clint was kind of proud of how it was turning out.

 

“I’m a man of many talents,” Clint said with a wink. He’d been pushing the boundaries a bit lately and while Phil didn’t take him up on any of his offers, he hadn’t told him to stop either. Clint had been nursing a crush on the vampire for close on forever but since Phil had drunk his blood, it had become almost impossible to stop thinking about him.

 

“Much as I’d hate to interrupt your creative process, Steve’s wants to see both of us. It sounded important,” Phil didn’t take the bait but he was smiling. Clint had to take hold of his tail to stop it from trying to curl around Phil and pull him closer. Really, this was getting out of hand.

 

“Right now? Does Tony know?” Clint asked instead, looking down at the half finished doll. A couple more strokes and the face would be almost perfect, but he still had to alter the sound and reattach the actual face so that it would swing off when anyone squeezed the dolls stomach.  

  
“Bruce and Tony have left town to see if their reindeer can fly. Something about high chances of combustion and damaging showers of debris,” Phil said mildly, only the barest trace of amusement.

 

“Jarvis kicked them out, didn’t he?” Clint laughed, knowing he was right even before Phil nodded. Even Tony knew better than to get on Jarvis’ bad side. The poltergeist could be absolutely terrifying when he wanted to be while still managing to maintain his impeccable manners.

 

“So where are we meeting Steve?” Clint asked, packing away his work now that he was sure he wasn’t going to get the Stark lecture about letting the team down and just how many sleeps it was till Christmas. The man was a menace.

 

“The town hall. I think Pepper and Natasha are coming as well.”

 

Clint frowned. “The town hall? Seriously, I’m disappointed. Because Bruce has created a Tony distraction and the whole secret meeting thing already feel like we’re plotting a rebellion or an intervention and those sort of things shouldn’t be planned in a town hall in the middle of the afternoon.”

 

“Would the cemetery at midnight have been more to your taste? Or would that have been a little too dramatic for you?” Phil asked and Clint could tell he was struggling to keep a straight face.

 

“We should have at least gone to the dark, shady corner of the tavern. There’s a certain style that goes with the secrecy that Steve just doesn’t seem to understand,” Clint joked as they started to walk towards the hall.

 

Steve was already there. He was pacing along the front of the stage and he looked worried. Clint frowned. Okay, so the whole Christmas thing was different but it was kind of fun and interesting. Phil was overseeing most of the planning, surely it couldn’t go too wrong?

 

“Steve?” Phil asked, concern in his voice. Everyone knew that Steve had some sort of sixth sense for trouble, especially where Tony was concerned. Steve stopped pacing to face them with a grim smile.

 

“Good to see you, Clint,” Steve said with a nod at Phil. “Thank you both for coming.”

 

“I needed a break from toy production. Some of the toys that Tony’s brought over from Christmas Town are disgustingly cute. I keep wanting to set them on fire,” Clint joked, trying to lighten the mood. If anything, Steve’s face seemed to grow darker.

 

Nat and Pepper slipped into the hall through a side door. Clint smiled at his best friend as she floated next to him. Last he’d heard, Nat had been part of the decorating committee and had been wrapping the finished presents in a subdued and tasteful paper that was nothing like the garishly bright presents from Christmas Town.

 

“What’s going on, Steve?” Pepper asked, all business as usual.

 

“We need to stop Christmas. I’ve tried talking to Tony, but he won’t listen to reason. My gut is telling me, if he gets in that sleigh on Christmas eve then it’s all going to end in fire and disaster,” Steve said and Clint felt worry starting to build in his stomach. His tail curled around his leg protectively.

 

“I haven’t seen Tony this excited since he created DUM-E. He’s not going to give it up easily, and everyone’s put in a lot of work. If we just cancel it, it might cause unrest, maybe even a riot,” Pepper stated and Clint had to agree. Clint had been looking forward to it, after all.

 

“Sometimes it’s hard to keep track of paperwork. Things can get misfiled and some of those younger vampires have a terrible habit of turning bureaucratic forms into paper-planes and setting them on fire,” Phil suggested casually and Clint smirked at him. He wondered if it would be hard for Phil to sabotage all the work that he’d put in.

 

“Tony isn’t going to believe that you haven’t made copies in triplicate or that you didn’t have a series of safeguards in place to make sure that didn’t happen. You’re far too organised, Phil,” Nat disagreed. Phil’s pale skin flushed faintly in embarrassment, which Clint found absolutely adorable.

 

“Maybe we could sabotage the sleigh? Do you think Bruce would be willing to help?” Clint asked, but Steve was already shaking his head.

 

“If we damage the sleigh, we could hurt Tony. If it got even a little airborne, it could crash into other people or buildings and cause an accident,” Steve explained. “We could set fire to the present pile?”

 

“Aww, presents, no,” Clint whined. He’d been kind of proud of some of his finished products. There’d been a scarf that he’d made out of a dead snake with a fringe made of tiny bones, and a little vampire doll that reminded him of Phil and had been bewitched to chase whoever opened his box.

 

“I’m not sure starting a bonfire is a good idea if you are worried about Christmas ending in fire and destruction. It’s likely to turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.” Phil, as always, was the voice of reason. “I’d be happy to kidnap Stark for the evening? Last Halloween I picked up a taser in the mortal world that I’ve been meaning to try out.”

 

“Maybe leave the threats as a backup plan?” Steve said, looking pained at the slightly gleeful note in Phil’s voice. Clint on the other hand thought it was fucking hilarious and winked at Phil.

 

“For there to be a backup plan, we need an actual plan A.” Natasha sounded like she was getting bored with the entire conversation and when Clint turned to look she was examining her nails. That was usually a warning sign that she was getting close to ending the discussion on her own terms and no one else was going to enjoy it.

 

Alternative ideas didn’t seem to be forthcoming though. The silence stretched out until it bordered on uncomfortable. Clint was thinking about his pile of presents and the idea that had been lingering in the back of his mind since Tony explained the whole Christmas gift-giving concept. It had seemed like such a nice holiday, giving gifts to celebrate the cold and dark winter and making people happy instead of scared for a change. Not that Clint really cared about making mortal children happy, but if he could just make the right gift, he could think of one vampire that he’d like to make smile.

 

“Maybe it won’t be that bad?” Clint asked and the whole room turned to stare at him. He swallowed, knowing that he’d probably have to eat his words later, but he’d started now so he wasn’t going to take them back. No one said anything, and he wanted to squirm or slip between worlds to get away from the heavy tension in the room.

 

“I mean, Christmas isn’t exactly a dangerous holiday? Sandy Claws sounds terrifying, but everything else is almost sickly sweet, like too much candy corn. We’re improving it, but even if we make it spookily spectacular, it’s hardly going to be a terrifying train-wreck,” Clint tried to explain. Steve didn’t looked convinced but the others seemed to be wavering. Maybe he wasn’t the only one who was actually enjoying the change in tradition.

 

“If we don’t know what’s going to happen, it’s a bit difficult to plan against it, Steve,” Phil said slowly and Clint beamed at him. His tail perked up and he had to grab it before it could make a move towards Phil or completely humiliate Clint in front of all of their friends.

 

“I can’t just ignore this feeling. Something might happen to Tony or the town,” Steve protested.

 

“No one’s saying you should ignore it, but Phil’s right. If we try and stop all of this Christmas stuff from happening then we are more likely to cause a disaster than prevent it,” Pepper added. “We’ll all promise to keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary and keep thinking in case we get anymore ideas.”

 

Even Steve could see the sense in that, even if he didn’t like it. His pale expression was still clouded with worry but he nodded. Everyone else seemed relieved that there’d been at least some conclusion.

 

“Does this conclude the secret squirrel business for today? Or does anyone else have any bad feelings they’d like to discuss? I think some of the werewolves were baking cookies earlier, I’m concerned about the consequences of that impending sugar high?” Clint joked, trying to lighten the mood. Natasha let out an indelicate snort next to him and gave him a shove.

 

“Get back to your presents, Clint,” she instructed. Clint threw one last parting glance at Phil and was pleased to see that the vampire was smiling.

 

“Yes, ma’am,” Clint said, raising one hand in a mock salute. Then he slid between space and back to his workbench with a renewed enthusiasm. Christmas was going to be awesome.

 

~~~

 

Two uneventful days later and Christmas was almost ready. Clint was beginning to relax and enjoy himself. Maybe for the first time, Steve’s gut was wrong. Clint really should have known better.

 

The whole town had gathered to load up the sleigh with Stark manically overseeing every step, even with Steve trying to finish the hideously garish red costume that Stark had accentuated with gold instead of white. Bruce was corralling the reindeers into place, sneaking their skeletal frames a carrot or two as he slipped them into their harnesses. The band had started playing a morose Christmas carol and a newly decorated dead tree lit up the whole town square. It was all very festive and Clint grinned as he fingered the small package in his pocket. A few more hours and they could all relax and enjoy the holiday.

 

A blue blur suddenly raced around the square, and the carols were cut off abruptly with a yell of protest. The trumpet player suddenly found himself with empty hands and then a sharp fanfare sounded from the cemetery gateway. Everyone turned to look as a giant sack floated along surrounded by a red glow. Clint frowned. Everyone in town had been given jobs, but Clint didn’t think even Tony was crazy enough to work with the Trick or Treat Twins.

 

Wanda and Pietro lived on the outskirts of town, and rumour had it, they knew where Ultron was – Stark’s most evil creation that had disappeared after trying to take over the town. Clint didn’t think the twins were particularly evil, but they were definitely creepy, even for residents of Halloween. Watching as they moved through the village square, Clint could feel the crowd tense in nervous anticipation.

 

Tony, on the other hand, seemed oblivious. A giant, excited grin crept across his face and he bounded down a couple of stairs. “You’re back. And just in time. This is perfect. You didn’t hurt him, did you?”

 

“We did what needed to be done,” Wanda said, her red hair fanning out beneath her witch’s hat like some sort of satanic halo. The blur that was Pietro skidded to a stop next to his sister, the stolen trumpet still in hand.

 

“This is not a good sign.” Clint jumped at Phil’s voice right behind him. It was rare that anyone managed to sneak up on him and Clint reigned in the instinct to pop out of existence. His horns were flat against his skull and he hissed at Phil in displeasure. The vampire raised an eyebrow, but stepped closer so that his umbrella covered Clint in shade.

 

Tony was leaning over the sack and muttering something. He stumbled backwards, clinging to a red hat, which put Clint instantly on guard. If the Twins had brought something dangerous into town, maybe this was the moment Steve’s gut had predicted.

 

The sack opened and a dark skinned man emerged and straightened up. He had a dark red leather coat that went all the way down to his militarily black boots. One of his eyes was missing, covered by a black eye patch. He looked absolutely nothing like the images that Tony had plastered around the hall and his black gloves were definitely covering fingers rather than claws.

 

“This is Sandy Claws?” Tony asked, and the twins levelled him an unamused look.

 

“We followed your instructions, Stark,” Pietro said flatly.

 

“Nice to meet you, Sandy Claws. I must tell you, you look nothing like your likenesses,” Tony said, offering his hand out to the man. Sandy Claws glared at him and ignored the hand.

 

“Stark, if you think you are taking over my holiday, you’re a stupider son of a bitch than I suspected,” the man stated with a scowl and Tony blinked. Slowly, Tony straightened up, putting the Sandy Claws hat on his own head.

 

“Well, I do make this holiday look good. Much classier than your grunge look,” Stark snapped, striking a pose.

 

“Oh no,” Phil muttered and Clint couldn’t help but agree. Sandy Claws might not be a ghoul or a goblin or a terrifying ogre, but he was definitely intimidating and Clint was certain he could take Stark with his one good eye shut.

 

“You make it look garish and trashy,” the man retorted. “It’s as bad as those stupid costumes that the mortals like to dress up in at the shopping malls.”

 

“Well you hardly look like a Sandy Claws. Those fingers barely look sharp enough to break skin, let alone claw anyone to pieces.”

 

“It’s Nick, Asshole. Saint Nick Claws. Those mortals bastardised my name centuries ago. Although you should hear the stories they tell about you. Some of them call you the Pumpkin king and think you are a living skeleton.”

 

“That does sound impressive. Much more terrifying than Tony,” Clint muttered under his breath. Tony was glaring daggers at … Nick, but one hand had reached up to his goatee, as if he was double-checking that it was still there.

 

“Well at least I’m not the one who let myself get kidnapped by a couple of kids. You must be getting senile in your old age. Maybe it’s best if you sit this year out, and let us show you how it’s done. Take a holiday, I’ve heard Tahiti is nice this time of year.”

 

Nick glared before raising his hand to his lips and letting out a piercing whistle that makes the werewolves visibly flinch and clutch at their ears. There’s a scurrying sound and tiny colourful figures in pointy hats appeared on top of half a dozen buildings around the square. Each one was carrying a crossbow almost twice the size of them and Clint could almost see the manic grins on each of their little faces. Even though he is staring right at them, Clint can’t make the combination of cuteness and sadistic glee make sense.

 

“Don’t be a dumbass, Stark. If you get on that sleigh, I will shoot your ass down before you even clear the rooftops,” Nick said. Thankfully, before Tony could open his mouth and make the entire situation worse, Steve stepped in, grabbing hold of the gold collar of Tony’s suit.

 

“Excuse us,” Steve said firmly, not giving Nick or anyone else time to argue before he dragged Tony off and through the closest doorway. There was a stunned silence through the entire crowd. Clint looked warily up at the little elves on the rooftops, hoping that they didn’t get trigger-happy when they were bored.

“Ten bucks says Steve talks some sense into Tony,” Clint offered, turning his attention back to Phil. The vampire actually laughed, shaking his head.

 

“I am not stupid enough to take that bet,” Phil said warmly, but after a moment he frowned. He looked between Clint and the elven archers on the roof and the giant sleigh. Phil wasn’t the easiest vampire to read, but Clint thought he could see regret briefly flickering across that handsome face.

 

“Do I have to worry about you doing anything stupid?” Phil asked and Clint almost swallowed his tongue as he choked in shock. He tried to muster some sort of indignation at the suggestion, but all he could manage to do was stare at Phil, his mouth open and utterly useless.

 

“Wha… why would you think that?” he eventually managed to say. The tiny glint of amusement in the corner of Phil’s eye made him blush and he ducked his head. Cool fingers wrapped around his wrist, and Clint’s stomach twisted in surprised pleasure. Phil never touched him first, even if he seemed to welcome any contact Clint made.Slowly, Clint tilted his head back up until he met Phil’s piercingly clear blue eyes.

 

“You were rather defensive the other day. I got the feeling you were looking forward to putting your christmas plans in action,” Phil explained, and Clint was suddenly keenly aware of the weight of the small box in his pocket.

 

“Just because we have to give the holiday back, doesn’t mean that Christmas is cancelled,” he said with a shrug and he was rather pleased with how casual he managed to sound despite the fact that his heart was beating faster in nervous anticipation. Hopefully, Phil liked it. Hopefully, Phil was happy to still celebrate Christmas, even if it wasn’t really their thing. Clint frowned. “I thought you liked Christmas too.”

 

For a second, Phil looked away, clearly being evasive and Clint’s heart sank. Slowly, he tried to pull his fingers out of Phil’s grip and try and maybe rebuild some of the walls around his heart that he’d let gradually fall in the excitement of the new holiday. He should have known better. Phil was his friend, and he should have just been content with that. After all, why on earth would an ancient, impressive vampire like Phil want with a demon who was more flashiness than substance when it came to halloween pranks?

 

Phil’s fingers tightened, holding Clint close. He opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by Tony and Steve reappearing. Even from the outskirts of the square, Clint could see that they both looked suspiciously ruffled and if he peered closely he could see the lingering red marks on the side of Steve’s neck. Tony looked ridiculously smug and pleased with himself.

 

“You can have your holiday back. Who wants to spend the entire night delivering presents to ungrateful children? I’ve got a better offer,” Tony announced, and he threw Nick’s hat back to him.

 

Nick caught it without thinking. He was staring at Tony as if he wasn’t sure if the man was joking or just insane. It was a standard expression for most people who had dealings with the mad scientist. After a moment, Nick seemed to decide that it didn’t matter and he put that hat on.

 

Clint felt Phil tense next to him as Nick stalked his way through the square, scattering Halloween residents in his wake. But he made no move to attack or even look at any one creature. All of his attention was focussed on the sleigh, and as he neared it, he waved one arm in a broad, sweeping gesture.

 

Clint stared in amazement as the sleigh seemed to glow and shift. The presents, in their grim paper and dark little bows, are suddenly bright and cheerful, the colours so varied that Clint was almost certain that whatever magic was at work had just invented a bunch of new colours to show off. The once muted red sleigh was now strikingly bold , and it was edged with polished silver metal gleaming in the pale moonlight. The dark, uninviting bench seat was now a mass of cozy gold cushions and the vivid red leather reins are lined with tiny golden bells.

 

“Wow,” Clint muttered. But the magic didn’t just stop with the sleigh. The decorated dead tree is suddenly alive and loaded with flickering lights and strings of tinsel and baubles, and a top was a glistening silver star. It wasn’t terrifying or scary. It wasn’t even funny, like a good trick. Instead, it filled Clint with a warm feeling of happiness and excitement as he waited to see what would happen yet.

 

Nick climbed up into the sleigh, throwing a wary look at the lead reindeer with it’s glowing blue eyes and mechanical antlers. “I’ll bring your reindeer back in the morning, Stark. Traditionally, I demand milk and cookies, but I’ll even give you a gift if you give me your word that you won’t try and steal my holiday again.”   

 

“No can do, Sandy Claws. I get bored and your holiday is just so shiny,” Tony said unapologetically with a shrug of his shoulders.

 

“Next time you get bored, try valentines day. Cupid definitely deserves it,” Nick offered as he picked up the reins. With a practiced flick of his wrists, they cracked dramatically and the reindeers jerked into motion. The stage was quite short, and for a moment it looked like the reindeer and the sleigh were just going to tumble off and into the crowd. But when the first reindeer reached the edge, it just kept going, stepping on the air and climbing higher into the sky.

 

“Merry Christmas,” Nick shouted down to all of them and his laughter boomed through the air like an oncoming storm. Or maybe that was an oncoming storms. Grey clouds were suddenly appearing in the previously clear night sky and with another boom, soft white flakes start to fall. Clint was surprised to find that they were cold, melting into water when they landed on his skin. The flakes that fell to the ground settled into piles, and very quickly the whole town was blanketed in a layer of white stuff.

  
A couple of the kids flopped into a pile, waving their arms around and giggling at the shapes they’d made. Tony was forming small balls out of the stuff and then he threw it at Bruce. Bruce yelled in surprise but quickly ducked a second ball. With his extra strength, he made a much bigger ball and lobbed it back at Tony who tried to hide behind Steve. Somewhere in the square the band struck up a relatively cheerful tune and Clint smiled.

 

“I’m not against Christmas, Clint. I just didn’t think we were doing it right,” Phil said quietly, and Clint couldn’t dispute that. Even if every part of Tony’s plan had worked smoothly (and knowing Tony, that would never have happened), their Christmas would not have looked anything like this. He turned his back on the merriment in the square and focussed his attention entirely on Phil. The vampire looked nervous, but also hopeful and Clint felt his own optimism soar.

 

“Lucky we are so good at Halloween then,” he said with a smile. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out the small box and held it out to Phil. “But we can still celebrate Christmas, and I’m sure I could probably get on board with some of the other holidays as well.”

 

“Clint…” Phil said slowly as he reached out and carefully took the present from Clint. He cradled it against his chest like it was something fragile to be protected. With one hand, Phil slowly undid the bow and pulled at the paper. Clint didn’t want to even breathe as he watched Phil open the box and reveal the watch he’d altered. The band was made from batskin and he’d added tiny wings to the side. Clint had altered the watch face into an actual face by adding eyes and a predatory grin with clearly visible fangs. He’d tried to keep it simple, but classy, just like Phil.

 

“It’s wonderful, Clint.” The box was quickly discarded as Phil fastened the watch around his wrist with a pleased smile. Clint took that as a good sign and when Phil looked up, Clint took a deliberate step forward until there was barely any space between them.

 

“Yeah?” he asked softly, holding Phil’s gaze as steadily as Phil’s fingers were keeping him in place. Phil swallowed, but he didn’t pull away and Clint thought he could see the longing that he felt reflected back in Phil’s eyes.

 

“Yeah.” Phil said firmly, and Clint tilted his head so that he could capture Phil’s lips in a kiss. Cold and hot blended together, and Clint wrapped an arm around Phil’s waist to pull him even closer so that their bodies were flush against each other. Phil’s tongue tangled with Clint’s, and Clint could feel fangs gently gnawing on his lower lip.

 

With a reluctant groan, Clint pulled back and Phil blinked up at him with a stunned but satisfied smile. When Clint pulled back further, Phil tilted his head questioningly.

 

“If we don’t stop now, I’m not going to be able to stop myself from fucking you right here in the square,” Clint said bluntly and Phil’s eyes lit up at the suggestion before reason seemed to set back in.

 

“We can be at my house in seconds. What are you waiting for?” Phil said practically and Clint laughed. Taking that for an invitation, he wrapped his arms and tail around Phil like an octopus. He paused, taking one last look at the beautiful christmas decorations, the layers of white, and enjoying the sight of all his friends and family laughing and having fun. Christmas was definitely high on his list of favourite holidays.

 

“Merry Christmas, Phil.”

 

“Merry Christmas, Clint.”

  
And with a pop, they both disappeared from the square.


End file.
